This article by Sara Murphy in The Washington Post may interest my readers. When Sharyn Umaña and her husband separated in November of last year, she initially planned to waive all rights to Ozzy, their 5-year-old Miniature Australian Shepherd. Not because she wanted to: Umaña had devoted herself to the energetic, intelligent dog since they got him as a pup. She even designed an indoor obstacle course for agility training and treasure hunts, stashing treats and cheese around the house for Ozzy to find. But her job required extended travel, and Umaña, 41, did not want to uproot Ozzy from a stable, loving home. Yet she also couldn’t bear saying goodbye forever. “I don’t have any kids, so he’s — he’s just my baby,” Umaña said, her eyes glassy with emotion. Her ex-husband ultimately agreed to add a clause to the divorce agreement they filed in May stating that Umaña could take Ozzy for a trial period of a few months as soon as her work schedule permitted, which she anticipates will be in about a year. It won’t be easy, as her husband remained in Quebec, Canada, while Umaña returned to her home state of California. Still, she is hopeful that Ozzy “can be part of my life.” Arrangements like Umaña’s reflect how much our relationships with our pets have changed in recent decades. According to a 2023 Pew Center survey, 97 percent of American pet owners consider their animals members of the family, with 51 percent of them valuing them as much as human family. “Pets certainly are not the same as the family toaster,” said Rebecca Wisch, the associate editor of the Animal Legal and Historical Center at Michigan State University College of Law. Legally, however, they are. Pets are classified as property in the United States, though they are given special status under criminal law. But as people increasingly want their relationships with their pets to continue even after their marriages end, the legal system is catching up. Since Alaska passed the first pet custody law allowing joint custody in 2017, seven more states — California, Delaware, Illinois, Maine, New Hampshire, New York and Rhode Island, as well as the District of Columbia — have followed, although some animal experts caution that joint custody is often not in the pet’s best interest. “The laws are starting to reflect more of what a family is,” Wisch said. “A family can be multi-species.” But she also says changes in the law tend to center human feelings, not animal. “You know, it’s never for the good of the animal themselves.” An increasingly pet-focused legal landscape “Pets are often, I think, used as leverage between parties who are going through a bad time,” said Mary Vidas, a matrimonial and family lawyer at Blank Rome in Philadelphia who has helped many clients with pet custody in her nearly 40 years of practice. Right now, she is helping a client recover an emotional support animal that the ex-husband has thus far refused to relinquish. In another memorable case, a beloved pet died during the divorce proceedings, and the ex-partner refused to tell Vidas’s client where the ashes were buried. “Talk about cruelty,” she said. Pet custody laws can help judges negotiate these emotional minefields to determine which party can best take the animal’s well-being into account, Wisch said. While the earliest pet custody laws focused on ensuring adequate food, shelter and veterinary care, newer laws also consider emotional bonds. The Rhode Island bill signed into law in June, for instance, instructs judges to consider who has spent more time with the pet when resolving custody disputes and even includes toys among basic needs. Without such guidance, judges sometimes get creative in ways that recall the judgment of Solomon. Vidas recalled a case where a judge ordered a constable to release the dog from a car to see which person it ran to. While the dog went to Vidas’s client, the couple ultimately settled on splitting custody every 45 days. What really are the best interests of the pet? “That just makes me want to rip my hair out,” said Karis Nafte when she learned of the judge’s action. A certified dog behavior consultant and accredited family mediator, Nafte became a pet custody specialist after working with numerous dogs whose behavioral issues were caused by the stress of divorce and unsuitable custody arrangements. Her new book, “Who Keeps the Dog: Navigating Pet Custody During Divorce,” compiles the wisdom she developed working with clients, lawyers and mediators. In it, she covers various types of legal custody, how to handle visitations, what to consider if children are involved and other concerns. Though dogs are her specialty — and the focus of the book — she has also worked on custody arrangements involving cats, reptiles, birds and even pigs. Contrary to what many pet owners want to hear, Nafte said that dogs are the only animal in which shared custody is feasible — and even then, only rarely. (Territorial animals such as cats and small caged animals like hedgehogs usually find multiple homes too stressful.) “We want to imagine that our dogs cannot live without us, but that’s just not the case,” she said. “Dogs can be just fine if they say goodbye to one of their owners.” If people do want to share custody, Nafte recommends keeping transitions to a minimum, describing the alternating week schedule — also known as 50/50 — as “the worst.” Michelle Martin and her ex-husband, who both live in the Bay Area, learned this the hard way when they divorced in 2022. They originally agreed to 50/50 shared custody of their golden retrievers, 8-year-old Summer and 5-year-old Poppy. From the beginning, however, while Poppy “would hop from one car to another, just kind of unfazed by everything,” Summer had to be dragged out of Martin’s car each time it was her ex-husband’s turn. It was devastating and confusing to watch because Martin knew Summer and her ex loved each other dearly. Eventually, Martin reached out to Nafte for help. Under Nafte’s guidance, Martin and her ex tried a variety of tactics, from luring Summer into his car with treats to driving to each other’s homes for handoffs instead of using a midpoint. But Summer never adjusted and since May 2023, Martin has had her full time. Poppy is still amenable to shared custody, though they changed the arrangements so she spends more time with Martin’s ex and changes hands every two weeks. And he still sees Summer during handoffs. “If he’s been on a trip, he’ll bring her a stuffy,” Martin said. Martin’s story is a reminder that these arrangements can take a toll not only on the pets but also the humans involved. Nafte’s clients often end shared custody arrangements to avoid constantly seeing their ex-partner. “It gets so toxic and horrible, they just cannot handle it anymore,” she said. More pet owners are planning ahead While Wisch anticipates more states will pass pet custody laws, she noted that there are limits to how far already overburdened courts will go to enforce agreements. For example, courts are unlikely to supervise visitation or handovers for pets. That’s one reason Vidas encourages couples to plan ahead by including plans for their animals in prenuptial agreements. Nafte wants similar pet-focused agreements, or “pet nups,” such as the free one available on the U.K. pet charity Blue Cross’s website, in every household, whether the people are married or not. “Verbal agreements are just doomed to fail,” she said. Why pet custody matters At first, shared pet custody can seem like “a childlike request at best, a manipulative psychosexual game at worst,” as Ines Bellina wrote about her own experience. But at their best, such laws offer an impartial, legal framework that circumvents the often messy emotions of divorce and puts the pets’ well-being first. Nafte, herself twice-divorced and an owner of multiple pets, recognizes how difficult that can be. But she also insists it’s necessary. “They’re at our mercy,” she said. “We owe it to them to take care of them.” K.O.’s Comment: I understand why this is so important to people. When I divorced ~25 years ago, my ex-wife and I agreed that I would have visitation with our dogs every other weekend. I’d pick them up after work on Friday, and she’d get them back Sunday evening. After several years of this, she called me one day and said the dogs were mine to keep. They lived happily ever after in my home. 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Pet custody arrangements are on the rise, though they might not be in the best interest of the animals.
Who Gets the Dog in the Divorce? Now a Judge Might Decide. was last modified: December 30th, 2024 by
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