“She’s at the age where she gets to decide.”

“I know that when children turn [pick a number] years old they get to choose where they want to live.”

I hear statements like these all the time.

And it’s always wrong.

In Tennessee, there is no age where a child gets to decide where they live, when they see a parent, or much of anything, really.

Unless both parents agree, all issues regarding a child’s residential parenting schedule are determined by the judge’s opinion of the child’s best interest.

In making that best-interest determination, judges must consider all fifteen factors found in Tennessee Code Annotated § 36-6-106(a).

The thirteenth of those fifteen factors requires Tennessee judges to consider

the reasonable preference of the child if twelve (12) years of age or older. The court may hear the preference of a younger child upon request. The preference of older children should normally be given greater weight than those of younger children.

Tennessee law only requires that the judge hear the preference of a child 12 years old or older. The judge does not have to find that the child’s best interest is the same as the child’s preference.

How much weight a judge will give the child’s preference depends on all the circumstances.

A judge will generally give the preference of an older child more weight than that of a younger child. A judge will generally give the preference of an honor student more weight than that of a juvenile delinquent. The judge will generally give the preference of an articulate child supported by logical reasons more weight than that of a mumbling, shy child whose reasons consist of “just because.”

Tennessee judges must also exercise caution when considering a child’s preference because the preference may reflect manipulation by a parent or a successful campaign by one parent to alienate the child from the other parent.

When a Tennessee judge is satisfied that a child has not been manipulated and that the child’s reasons for their preference are not frivolous, the judge may find it appropriate to give significant weight to the child’s preference.

While a child may prefer to eat pizza and ice cream every night, adults usually decide what the child will eat.

The same is true for custody and visitation issues. While Tennessee law requires that the preferences of children 12 years old and older be heard, the ultimate decision is always made by adults, specifically the parents and the judge.

Children don’t get to decide anything until they are adults.